


Redemption

by DeviantDarkBelle



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Deception, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, Force Bond (Star Wars), Jealous Kylo Ren, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Possessive Kylo Ren, Redemption, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-09-27 10:17:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17160173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeviantDarkBelle/pseuds/DeviantDarkBelle
Summary: Story is set after TLJ...Ren and Hux had an established, awesome, beautiful relationship until that dirty Scavenger came into the picture.Ren had turned cold, dismissive and cruel towards Hux.Hux is heartbroken but carries on, as always.Additional tags will be added with each additional chapter as needed... don't want to give too much away too early.Please excuse my less than perfect grammar and punctuation, and my usual drifting in and out of past and present tense...Kudos and comments are always welcomed and appreciated.





	1. Chapter 1

Hux wakes up with a groan. He had hoped it had all been a dream, a nightmare, but the extreme pain in his throat, along with the pain on his side and worst of all, his empty bed, all confirms that it was in fact… real.

He rises slowly from his bed and looks around his quarters… their quarters. It had become theirs and had been theirs for so long and now, though a lot of Ren's things were still scattered about, Hux became hyper-aware that he was now truly alone.

He padded his way to the refresher and look a long, hard look in the mirror. Hair disheveled, eyes red, Ren's fingers bruised into the soft skin of his throat. Hux touches along the bruises softly, trying desperately not to cry. He turns his body slightly and he couldn't help but gasp… his delicate side bruised beyond recognition and the humiliation so much greater… but that was not the worst pain. He had lost Ren. Ren had become so consumed by, consumed with the map, the scavenger, with Skywalker that he saw nothing else, remembered nothing else... including Hux.

They were to rule together. Hux was no fool, he knew damn well that Ren had killed Snoke; it was the fact that Ren had lied to Hux so easily, so effortlessly that devastated him. As he stood in front of the mirror he was  _just_ the General, while Ren, Ren had become the Supreme Leader.

_____

Ren woke with a shout, a jolt. He panted heavily and looked around the room. He was back in his old quarters, the rooms he had first occupied. It seemed so foreign to him, especially after spending so much time in Hux's, in _their_ quarters. He ran his fingers through his sleep-tousled hair, wishing it was other long, slender fingers and he couldn't help but whisper Hux's name.

He got out of bed slowly, eyes darting across the room and letting out heavy, almost exaggerated sighs. Oh, how he missed Hux. Ren knew he messed up so badly, everything was so beyond repair. He hated himself for becoming so distracted by the search for the map, by the scavenger, by Skywalker.

He made his way to the refresher and tears began to fill his eyes without warning. All of his things were here; his toothbrush and toothpaste, his face cleanser, toner, moisturizer, all his hair products… he had everything but also had nothing at the same time. He wanted, wished, needed to see Hux's toothbrush beside his own, to see Hux's toiletries, to see his shampoo, conditioner, and body wash in the shower. He wanted to see Hux's particular towel set, wanted to look into the fogged up glass and see Hux in all his stunning beauty getting ready beside him. He so desperately wanted to lift Hux up by the back of his thighs and kiss him breathless on the counter. He reached out towards the mirror, hoping that maybe this was all a dream, that maybe he was still in bacta… that he hadn't yet killed Snoke, choked Hux, hadn't yet _thrown_ Hux.

Oh. _Oh_. He had abused Hux. He had choked him, threw him around like a ragdoll… he did things to him he had promised, vowed, he would never do. Who had he become? And then Ren screamed and he couldn't stop screaming. He pulled at his hair, banged his fists against the wall. He betrayed Hux, betrayed him on so many levels. Ren screamed again.

Once he had stopped screaming and calmed himself down at least a little bit, he felt it... and he hated it, dreaded it. He had hoped this would never happen again.

"No," Ren said softly, his voice rough and harsh from screaming. He wanted to scream again.   
  
"Ben…" the voice soft, yet so irritating to Ren.  
  
"No!" Ren didn't want to do this now, he hated that they ever did it; he never wanted it to happen again.

"Ben, please…"  
  
Ren turned and saw her like she was actually physically in his refresher with him.  
  
"Ben's dead."  
  
"No, he's not. You're not."  
  
"You know nothing," Ren growled before severing the connection. He let out a sigh of relief as he watched her fizzle out. He didn't want her in his refresher, in his rooms.

Ren screamed again. He didn't want her… anywhere.

 


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still dealing with the aftermath - and their first time seeing each other since Crait.

In the shower Hux briefly muses that he won’t go to the bridge today; he will stay in his quarters, no, his office and work from there. He gives his head a slight shake as he knows he has to go in, any sign of weakness now would be the end of him. He is sure his people no longer believe in him, believe in the station he holds and he is sure there will be those who will try to take his place. He can’t let that happen. Besides, he can’t let Ren know, let Ren see how his actions have affected Hux. He doesn’t need to give Ren any more reasons to abuse him, to make a mockery of him. He is not sure if Ren could do anything to make things worse, but he doesn’t want to test that theory.

Once dry he dresses efficiently, pulls the bag he’s hidden from the back of the cabinet. He hasn’t had the need to use it, not for years… but he needs it now. He’s updated the items in the bag, just in case but always with the hope, he wouldn’t need to use it ever again. But thanks to Ren, he has to.

His expression is stoic as he pulls the items out and begins to apply the makeup, the concealer to hide the drastic bags under his eyes and to try to cover the bruises on his neck… the slim chance the marks could be seen above his uniform collar. He can’t change or add anything to it, that would bring unwelcome attention to him. Which is funny considering Hux always enjoyed attention, basked in it, eyes looking upon him with fear and reverence. He panics, he hopes he will be able to maintain the control he had before. Hux no longer hopes for more power or more control, he is just desperate to hold on to what he had. He thought he knew Ren, but it was obvious, he didn’t.

With one last look in the mirror and a deep breath later, he steps out of his quarters and makes his way to the bridge.

~~  
  
After ensuring she was no longer connected to him, that she could not appear again, Ren undressed and finally took a shower. The spray felt nice on his skin, but then he scrubbed his skin hard, almost to the point it was raw… just to get it off him. He knew he couldn’t scrub the truth away, couldn’t scrub away what he had done. He winced when he touched his bowcaster wound, StarKiller seemed to long ago… the Wookie could have killed him, and the wound he did get would have seriously injured or killed a lesser man. Ren for a moment wished it had, that he was a lesser man… because he _was_ a lesser man.

He stayed under the spray long enough that the water turned ice cold and he finally decided to step out. He went to reach for his robe but realized it wasn’t there and he almost started to cry. He could see it in his mind’s eye, still hanging beside Hux’s black silk robe. Oh, how he loved Armitage in that robe of his… and when he wore it, Ren could never turn away and those mornings, they would always end up arriving to the bridge late. Ren smiled fondly before the tears threatened again. With a shake of his head, Ren grabbed a towel, dried off and dressed.

He looked in the mirror, made sure he looked as put together as possible and took a deep breath and left his quarters.

He began to make his way to the bridge but then had second thoughts. Should he go to the bridge? Or should he go to the Throne Room? He opted for the bridge, he wasn’t ready for the Throne Room yet. He had lots of work to do in regards to that space.

As he walked down the halls, troopers, officers, everyone really, parted for him. Not many made eye contact with him and most stayed out of his way. It was a wise decision.

He turned to enter the bridge but stopped at the entrance. Ahead of him, way ahead, stood Hux, his back towards Ren as he looked out over the galaxy. Hux stood straight and tall, at parade rest of course. Ren’s eyes moved over the lines of Hux’s form, not caring if others on the bridge could track his gaze. Though in truth he was sure they no longer belonged to each other, not after everything, but Ren still wanted everyone to know how he felt about Hux, and that they would be wise to stay away from him; romantically as well as any thoughts of overthrowing him.

“Supreme Leader…” one of the officers finally addressed Ren and Ren sensed, could see the subtle tense of Hux’s body but he didn’t turn to face Ren.

Ren just nodded and slowly made his way to the General who stood at the viewport. “General.”

Hux stayed looking straight ahead, only nodding slightly in acknowledgment. “Supreme Leader. What brings you to the bridge? Shouldn’t you be sitting on your throne, planning your next move? The Order’s next move?” Hux realized he was probably speaking out of line, he spoke in hushed tones though, so no one else could actually hear the words he spoke to Ren.

“I suppose you’re right General, old habits die hard. I shall leave you to it then. I do request an audience with you at the end of your shift though. In the Throne Room.”

Ren turned on his heel and left the bridge, trying not to run to his quarters to catch his breath and stop his tears.

On the bridge, Hux took a deep breath and hoped this would be the one shift of his that would last forever.


End file.
